Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hubby says we know what we're doing

I had an interesting discussion on the way to the VA. I told hubby a bit about things shared in this sisterhood of ours and he said, "they don't forget, they know what they said." I asked him what he meant...he said he does not forget the times he ranted during a possible spike in sugar...he said he may have later regretted it but he didn't forget it and he was claiming that he does not think the other men forget what they said and how they acted either. I thought it was interesting. "they might want to forget, but they know what they did." So there you have it...mind you, he does not go low...well, a few times in the night a few years back he woke up and was clammy and disoriented and needed a glass of juice but his sugars have always tended to run super high...I just thought it was interesting...he was passionate about stating that he does not believe the men are forgetting what they said during a rant...they just might wish they could forget. Controlling? I will ask him that next...can our diabetic spouses control their angry words when they start spouting? Is it a matter of choosing and then maybe regretting it later? So there you have it...out of my man's diabetic mouth. PS I feel the best I have in a week and hubby seems to be experiencing seasonal allergies more than a full blown cold...so hippie skippie we are on the upswing of a good week so far...hope you are too.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

OH NO...enough!

I don't get colds and respiratory ailments anymore it seems...I think all the foods I eliminated (due to having thyroid disease and an autoimmune disease) were behind the many ailments I did suffer with for years before I eliminated them...any who...I got something the other day and felt lousy but carried on any way (instead of going to bed), you know...us martyrs...BUT I got really grumpy when hubby said he might have a cold too...I blew up saying, "Oh no, I will have to take care of you on top of how I already do when I can hardly take care of myself and all I have to do around here." Hubby gave me a look, a wounded look, but he also said he understood that he is high maintenance, like lots of men when they catch the common cold, and I didn't need any more to deal with. I still feel lousy but life goes on, right? It made me realize that we just can't get sick, right? But we do and it is okay to let off steam...%&$Q#^%#^&I%^$YTW$^&^I(*O^TJRHGFDUT&I(Y^&%T$^%^Y$$RYTUI&^*^%$^@%#!!!!!! There, I feel better!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Good day

I went in with Tom to his endocrinology appt. He decided to bring up that he chews tobacco to see if that has an effect on the sugars (he was not willing to bring it up before this). Well, they didn't think so, but also said it is not a healthy habit. I was disappointed that it didn't effect the sugars because I thought that he might think about quitting if it did, but he has quit in the past (one time for two years) so he might again (I hope). He did have a productive appt. though and already his sugar readings are lower so we are pleased (were usually 250-350+ range now 160ish-still high but better). And after 25 years of hearing "You are diabetic" we got a simplistic expanation about how each pill he takes works and other diabetic issues we didn't know about or didn't understand so it was encouraging. His blood pressure and cholesterol were good and they have mostly been high, so they (and we) were pleased with that too...what they did was up his long lasting night insulin and talked to him again about healthy evening snacking. We left the office very encouraged...his back/leg/hip situation...well, that is getting worked on a couple times a week with a chiropractor but it is still the same (can't stand or walk without extreme pain)...he tries to not take the pain pills, but usually has to at some point in the day...so baby steps but steps nonetheless. I am helping him take a shower since it is so hard for him to stand there and try on his own. The handhelp sprayers help. We joke and that helps too...but his pride suffers having to have help with so many things...he is not supposed to lift so when I saw him lift the big box of birdseed I cringed but I also realized that he might have just forgotten, he was so used to doing things and now being so limited...well, I bit my tongue that time from nagging/chastising him...but I am doing the driving and he seems okay with being a passenger lately. One day at a time, Ladies...HUGS and LOVE

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

all signed up

Since hubby is 100% disabled I am now qualified to get my medical care through the VA so yesterday I got all signed up...I will start next month. I am thrilled (no more health care insurance pmt). So now we will both go to appointments at the same place, more togetherness. LOL...hey I love that we are both going to the appt.s getting lunch out...life is good for the most part. Yesterday he held off taking the pain pills until evening...then he could not bear it any longer...he had a second chiropractic visit and was told this will take time, so no miracle occurred but his spirits are good so onward we charge.

One thing I have that is separate is my writing. I am working on my 8th novel and this June hubby and I will fly to Santa Barbara so I can attend a writer's conference and meet with an agent. I have queried agents for years with no luck, so we shall see what happens. I take a life-routine break when I create fiction...it is like a Calgon bath for my mind.

Last night after the pain pills kicked in, hubby got sweet talking again...but this comment got to me...he said he was so happy now that if something happened to him I would be taken care of, meaning my being enrolled in healthcare at the VA. I knew he was on the pain pills but I also knew he meant every slow spoken word of it.

HUGS to my sisters struggling with supporting our diabetic spouses...WE ROCK!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Saying good bye

Sure was fun to have all the sons around...here we are before saying good bye. Best medicine...fun time with family.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A good day

My sons are all here for the weekend to record 6 original songs for my youngest son's recording project at college. They are musicians, ages 35, 30, and 19 and it blows me away that they want to make music together...it truly is incredible to me...several years ago we built a four bay garage with a studio over it so that is where they practice and record too. My oldest is an English teacher and wrestling coach, is married and has four girls and lives in the south, so he had to fly up for this. My youngest is in college, studing sound engineering/music production and had break this week and my middle son has been living in the studio for the past several months and has an LLC that he uses to manage marketing over the Internet...so for them to write their own music (older two have produced 4 cds already of indie music) and want to perform together is a thrill for hubby and me.
Music and sons making music (barryband.com) is great medicine for Tom and me...we had a good day yesterday...they were at the college in the recording studio on campus so Tom and I did some shopping and ate a late lunch out...I DROVE...he really knows he can't while under the influence of oxychodone. I am getting used to his altered state and he is sweet (obnoxiously and I know it is the pills talking) so I guess it is better than his grimacing in pain. A day in the life (right, ladies?)...and he bought a TV for our bedroom so if we want to watch different things we now have a bigger screen tv for our viewing pleasure...so heck...I can live with that.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My reality

The more I learn about the disease I now know I have, the more I realize that hubby might too be "married to diabetes" someday...Hashimoto's disease is an autoimmune disease that destroys the thyroid...already having had a partial thyroidectomy I know my days of having any part of my thyroid still functioning are limited (on meds for life) but I found out that it could attack my pancreas too and leave me type I diabetic so I am looking to the future and have already altered my eating so much (just because of the Hashimoto's and hypothyroidism) that I am ready if that happens...I only ingest buckwheat products (am grainfree) that I make and have not had candy since last September before my surgery...I am so disciplined I believe if this does happen I should be on top of it...I believe a person can be...so ladies...go ahead and applaud me...I feel good about myself. We can be our own advocates for health...not just for our men with diabetes...for ourselves. Can I hear an "AMEN?" HUGS

Monday, March 14, 2011

Mood altering...wow

So day three of the pain pills and I am a slave to noticing the mood altering effects. Oh my goodness...not bad or violent or destructive but weird...very needy and affectionate...needs lots of hugs and reassuring attention...it is just very concerning...like I said...who doesn't want lots and lots of hugs...but the slurred speech and hazy loopy behavior is unsettling...the VA chiropractor is away this week and like I said the back is better but he can't stand or walk without grimacing in pain even on the pain pills...so next week we will go back so they can work on the trouble areas...pain pills alter moods when they ease the pain...but he is not himself...any thoughts? Is that what you ladies are seeing with your guys too? Mood alterations that are concerning?

I always write "hugs"...but these hug requests from hubby are drug-induced. I want the genuine hugs back. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Came down feeling pretty good...pain pills helped

So hubby took pain pills before going to bed and had a good sleep. This morning he tried to walk to the corner convenience store for coffee and when he got home he said he was in so much pain he could barely stand it...and he had taken pain pills...he is in his chair now and feeling better...but he is very emotional and needy acting...side effect of the pills...I hope the chiropractor calls tomorrow to tell us he can squeeze Tom in...he isn't scheduled to go again until the 25th...yes, the back is better but the hip and leg...awful.

HIGH HIGH HIGH sugar readings...no matter what.

Still chewing tobacco.

Thanks for letting me vent/share...ladies. LOVE YA

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Pain pills again

Hubby woke up and his leg and hip hurt so badly he did succumb and take a pain pill...I burst into tears...I knew he wanted desperately to not get back on pain pills...I said, "the reality is that you are 100% disabled" SS and the VA have declared that you are...you have serious debilitating issues and if you need that pain pill you take it.

Had family over all day and he was in a great mood...drugs...sometimes it gets us all through the day. As we all seem to say...one day at a time...that is as good as it gets. HUGS all around.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Crack the Back Time

Hubby had truly made progress...was doing the gym thing with our middle son...he walked and did some of the machines BUT then he was back to not being able to do anything but sit...he has refused to get on the pain pills so he has been in pain...his sugar was high this morning, he felt discouraged but we went to the chiropractor at the VA and he came out of his session with a big smile on his face and hope in his heart...it is a first step towards thinking he could get better again...he looks forward to the next session.

Phew...hope...oh what a feeling. It's what we live for, right ladies?

Monday, March 7, 2011

Saving ourselves Sisterhood

There has been a lot of reinforcement recently as to why we blogging wives of diabetics reach out to one aother...quite frankly we have to. There has been mention of going for therapy and I see this AS therapy. I remember a P.A. told me to just write my thoughts down in a notebook when I was in a dark place and asked her if I should go for therapy. I thought she was just brushing it off, almost like telling me to get over myself...but now I get it...you write things down and in this case others can read it if they want to and it helps...it really helps, especially when those others know exactly where you are coming from.

We need each other...we need to write our thoughts down in a notebook/blog and feel less alone. HUGS and LOVE.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Back and leg situation returns

Hubby had been enjoying some days of relief...walking at the gym...feeling like he could actually do some things...well, he did some things...he got on his tractor and plowed the driveway and he still felt pretty good...then i looked out and he was trying to shovel a path to the feeders so I scolded him about it and he said he was fine...well...later on all the pain in the back and the leg were back and have been back since. He has a good spirit about it, is frustrated, but not defeated...he says he will have to start at square one again...the VA is sending him to their chiropractor next week to see if that will give him some relief...so he is back to not being able to walk comfortably or stand for more than a few seconds without grimacing...like I said he enjoyed a little time where he could walk and stand and feel okay...he says he will get back to that again...attitude is everything...he is on meds for neuropathy, and depression along with all the other meds for this and that and of course insulin and diabetes meds...but I feel he is in a good place so it makes it a lot easier on him AND ME of course...one day at a time and we eat out when he has the appointments so...yeah!

One day at a time, right ladies?